About my illness called "Schizophrenia".

It was 2003 when hard times had first hit me. I was totally exhausted, drained, and to make things worse, I had no idea what caused it at all. I could sleep only 40 minutes a day, that had lasted for two weeks.

That was how I decided to go to a psychiatry.

I visited more than 10 clinics, that were really helpless. They just said to me "Bear off, and keep taking medicines".

If you can believe it, they spent only 3 minutes to examine me and they thought that's enough. There were lots of patients lined in the waiting room, doing nothing but just wait. My worst experience was waiting for 3 hours to be examined that took 3 minutes as usual. On the way back to my home, I couldn't help but thinking what I am doing here. I had once taken more than 400 medicines a month.

Through experience from this kind of things, I found myself that medicines never solve the problem. And attitude to the mental illness of this country is definitely wrong. Some doctors who I contacted seemed to be indifferent besides giving prescription drugs. Although there are many clinical psychotherapists in Japan, some doctors don't think of their need.

Sure, you're able to sleep by taking a sleeping medicine. But the point is not how to sleep; how to make the atmosphere which you can sleep without any concern.

I was told by the current doctor that my illness will never be cured. Instead, he told that it could be remission at some point in the future. Remission!No doubt that it's mere a comfort word to me. It's pointless to keep taking medicines forever if that won't cure the illness, after all? Much better than ending up with hanging, still it's like a prisoner for medicine, isn't it?

Then, what should I do? Stop taking them?
No, it's out of the question to stop it since sidelines including my family worry me. Only thing I can do is just taking them without thinking. This is not to say medicines are worthless. Some of them are useful. Personally I just don't like it.

There's no certain solution to me for now. I'm trying, struggle to solve this long lasting problem.

One thing I found out through a decade of suffering is quite simple; keep in touch with close friends, family, relatives and so on. Don't think you are alone. To be honest, people who are suffering from this illness tend to consider themselves isolated. So am I sometime. But you are not. Get through it together.
This is my opinion.


I'm sorry for some heat up. I wasn't supposed to do so. Those who got offended by this post, just ignore, forget it, and leave this blog.

Well, it's time for sleep. Hope to fall asleep without any medicine tonight ;)


  1. Hi iko84, sorry to hear you have been in pain and that you have to be under perpetual medication. I tried to search on the internet more information about your "disorder" but I only found something called "sensory integration disorder". Is it what you are suffering from? I have always been fascinated by brain chemistry. Have you read books about brain chemistry? I have the intuition that better understanding how our brain functions might help dealing with one's emotions.... BUt maybe it's just rubbish tinking :) Take good care of yourself!!!! Always a pleasure to read your blog.

    1. Good morning! It's Monday morning and it seems I started a good day today ;) Thank you for your comment, I checked out the illness that suffers me. Wikipedia say that "Schizophrenia". Although there are various cases, I am basically suffering from sleeplessness. Oh, is that the case of Schizophrenia!? I think sleeplessness is just a sleeplessness itself :( Whatever it is, I try to handle with it someday in the near future ;)

  2. Good evening!!! Happy to hear you are feeling well! What about your plans to go to Myanmar in december by the way? Are you still up for it? Have a nice week and great pics from Showa Kinen Koen!!!!

    1. Goooood morning!;) As you said about Myanmar, I went to Embassy of there day before yesterday to get VISA! I leave Japan on 17th December and spend 10 days in there. After that, I will travel to Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam with my wife:) Have a nice week to you too!!

    2. Great!!!! I am sure you will have a wonderful time over there!!!!!

    3. Hi!
      Seemingly, this time your icon is not a photograph, but blogger mark. Did you change it?
      Well, I start writing a post about tripping Kyoto last weekend! ;)

    4. Ah no, I haven't changed the mark...strange ... where are you planning to go in Myanmar?

    5. Sorry, I thought I've already told you where I pan to go, but it seems my mistake :(
      I plan to travel Yangon, of course, Mandalay and Bagan. If I have chance to go other places, I will ;)

    6. I enjoyed Lake Inle also, it is quite interesting! I really likes Mandalay and especially a small village in the south where i stayed (illegally)0 in a buddhist temple for 3 days. I think the name of the village is in lonely planet. I will try look it up for you. Anyways, you will enjoy wherever you go, it is so exotic!

  3. Hi Iko84,

    Reading your story above, i am very touched with your hardship
    I think that you are a very brave & resilient person

    I work as a medical doctor in small clinic
    Though i am not specialized in psychiatry, but i really can understand how you struggling through your condition

    All i can say is, Gambatte Iko84!
    I wish you with all my heart, that you can always stay healthy & hearthy

    1. Thank you for commenting such a personal post...!

      Those years had been really tough for me, but in the past one or two years, things are dramatically getting better. Actually I went to the clinic and the doctor agreed to decrease the amount of medicines that I take every day. What a great news it is...!!

      Well, it seems anything will change slowly, but surely even considering my illness. I just believe to improve or recover it.