About my illness called "Schizophrenia".

It was 2003 when hard times had first hit me. I was totally exhausted, drained, and to make things worse, I had no idea what caused it at all. I could sleep only 40 minutes a day, that had lasted for two weeks.

That was how I decided to go to a psychiatry.

I visited more than 10 clinics, that were really helpless. They just said to me "Bear off, and keep taking medicines".

If you can believe it, they spent only 3 minutes to examine me and they thought that's enough. There were lots of patients lined in the waiting room, doing nothing but just wait. My worst experience was waiting for 3 hours to be examined that took 3 minutes as usual. On the way back to my home, I couldn't help but thinking what I am doing here. I had once taken more than 400 medicines a month.

Through experience from this kind of things, I found myself that medicines never solve the problem. And attitude to the mental illness of this country is definitely wrong. Some doctors who I contacted seemed to be indifferent besides giving prescription drugs. Although there are many clinical psychotherapists in Japan, some doctors don't think of their need.

Sure, you're able to sleep by taking a sleeping medicine. But the point is not how to sleep; how to make the atmosphere which you can sleep without any concern.

I was told by the current doctor that my illness will never be cured. Instead, he told that it could be remission at some point in the future. Remission!No doubt that it's mere a comfort word to me. It's pointless to keep taking medicines forever if that won't cure the illness, after all? Much better than ending up with hanging, still it's like a prisoner for medicine, isn't it?

Then, what should I do? Stop taking them?
No, it's out of the question to stop it since sidelines including my family worry me. Only thing I can do is just taking them without thinking. This is not to say medicines are worthless. Some of them are useful. Personally I just don't like it.

There's no certain solution to me for now. I'm trying, struggle to solve this long lasting problem.

One thing I found out through a decade of suffering is quite simple; keep in touch with close friends, family, relatives and so on. Don't think you are alone. To be honest, people who are suffering from this illness tend to consider themselves isolated. So am I sometime. But you are not. Get through it together.
This is my opinion.

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I'm sorry for some heat up. I wasn't supposed to do so. Those who got offended by this post, just ignore, forget it, and leave this blog.

Well, it's time for sleep. Hope to fall asleep without any medicine tonight ;)

Illumination in Tokyo Station and Marunouchi, 2012.

It's a second year for me to spend my life in the winter in Tokyo. Although I'm terrible with the cold season, I really can enjoy illuminations here and there.

I like the illumination in Marunouchi, nearby Tokyo Station the best. Trees along the street are decorated with lots of lights, people enjoy watching them and shopping.

I was there yesterday, I mean, Monday. I don't know because it's beginning of the week, not so many people are there in Marunouchi.

After terrible earthquake last year, many festivals, fireworks, and illuminations were refrain from taking place due to many people thought it was not time for enjoying themselves while people in devastated areas were suffering.

But this year, things getting recovering step by step.

Those lights in Marunouchi are used LED, and they said it's especially designed environment friendly.

After a short walk (5-10 minutes, I think)...

Tokyo Station! (I went there few weeks ago.)

Completed last month, I had longed for taking it in the evening!

Since I'm entirely morning person and scarcely going out for a long distance at night. But this winter I am going to try to go out as much as possible! Oh, first, I need to endure a coldness and sleepy, haha...

Shinjuku Gyoen Garden, 4 November 2012

It's been a while when I visited Shinjuku Gyoen Garden last time. I came back here to see colorful leaves this time. But it seemed that there scarcely were leaves that already turned their color, and so, I just enjoyed taking a walk.

I found many people sit and drawing on their chair. One of them which I looked into was extremely beautiful. Compare to that, my pictures are almost nothing, haha...

This is sakura, or cherry blossom. It usually bloom in the late March, but this one somehow blooms such a cool day. I read explanation under the tree and that said this sakura blooms twice in a year. It's quite rare to see such sakura.

Like leaves, things change slowly, but surely. So do I. My environment is getting busy, or busier than I manage to. But I promise I come back here this blog as soon as possible ;)

Busy days...!

I have been spending some busy days lately. I will come back here as soon as possible, probably within a few days. I will prepare for some posts by then. Thank you for coming here ;)

Koishikawa Korakuen Garden and Rikugien Garden.

It was last week when I visited two gardens, Koishikawa Korakuen Garden and Rikugien Garden in Tokyo. So...Let's start with Koishikawa Korakuen Garden first, shall we? ;)

There are many gardens in Tokyo, which extremely surprise to me since I considered Tokyo as metropolis before I moved here in Tokyo. Given a long history of capital, it can be natural that there are lots of garden that once belonged to "daimyou", or lords in the old days.

Koishikawa Korakuen Garden is one of them. Well organized, silent, peaceful place to take a walk or take a deep breath in the nature.

It only takes 20 minutes or less to look around.

What do you think it is? It's a gate which is not officially used, for only those involved.

This kind of nihon-teien, or Japanese Gardens usually have a pond or two and pouring narrow rivers.

Then...

Walk along a snake path,

I found a tea house ;)

By the way, it's getting cold recently; Autumn has come!

Soon leaves will turn into yellow or red day by day, it's really fun for me, unforgettable...Although I'm terrible with cold season :-(

Walk across a tiny bridge, I left there and then went to...

Rikugien Garden!!

I like red things, including small stuffs. These are my favorites. A bag for grocery, for example ;) I have many red stuffs. The color of red in Japanese Garden is influenced by China. We accepted lots of traditions from there. The tiny bridge which I crossed seems to be colored by same reason as well.

I'm always wondering why they don't translate words precisely like this. It says "Togetsu-kyo" both in Japanese and small English characters but the word kyo stands for a bridge in this instance (not always, I mean). People from foreign countries may have no idea when they read characters on the picture :(

Japanese Gardens usually have a place to drink green teas. Rikugien Garden offers one cup of green tea with 500 yen, or around $6. A bit expensive, don't you think? Yet it's good experience to sit back in the silent garden, watching nothing in particular, just stay put.

After that...

Again, there is a small pond ;)

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By the way, this is a picture of a wall which belongs to Rikugien Garden. I don't know why, but I just like this photograph. Although I don't think it's beautiful, great, very best one, I can't help but watch it over and over again. Hmmm...What do you think of this picture? Is it odds and ends?

Shinagawa, a hub station for Shinkansen (bullet train) and so on.

Truth be told, I went back to my hometown Nagoya yesterday. I spent only one night and turned back to Tokyo today. I got off shinkansen, or bullet train at Shinagawa station which is located near Tokyo station.

Since Tokyo station is a bit far from cities such as Shinjuku and Shibuya, many people set foot on Tokyo from here (Although Sinagawa and Tokyo station are less than 10minutes by Shinkansen).

Shinkansen, which connects across this country is very fast, smooth, and punctual. Although I want to travel with it when I go back to Nagoya, it's two or three times more expensive than travel from Tokyo to Nagoya by bus. I mean, it's about 10,000 yen, or around $120 for non-reserved seat by shinkansen.

It runs along with Mt. Fuji. It's lucky if you can see the top of it. Usually it's covered by cloud. I'm a traveler who goes back and forth between Nagoya and Tokyo, more than 10 times for round trip a year, however, I can see the top of Mt. Fuji once or twice in one year.

A Sushi restaurant in Tokyo.

Getting through a hard time for couple of days, I finally recovered. I'm sorry for making you worry.
Mid yesterday I visited a sushi restaurant with my boss and my wife for lunch. One of my friend runs this restaurant and we go there together every so often.

There are mainly two kinds of sushi restaurants here in Japan. One is kaiten-sushi, or known as sushi boats, and another one is traditional one. I took latter one this time; sushi chef makes it one by one, face to face.

Many foreigners imagine sushi as cut raw fish on the rice which tastes sour served with small portion. However, there are other ways of making sushi. One of them is "chirashi sushi", above the picture. It's one-bowl-dishes which is along with a variety of fish on the rice.

We ate miso (soy bean paste) soup. Great, I can't cook such taste in my home =)

He is my friend, actually we live along with the same station! :)

We ate all of sushi. It was 3000 yen or about $40 for each person.
If it wouldn't help you to recover by having great sushi, what else would it makes you feel better? ;)

Depressed...

With tremendous busyness and some chores which I'm not comfortable with, I'm totally exhausted right now. For all those who gave comments and sent E-mails for me, please, please let me take some time to send back. I'm always looking forward to you to visit/give comments for this tiny blog. Thank you very much for that, I'm sure  I will recover within a day or two. Sorry for my inadequacy...