About my illness called "Schizophrenia".

It was 2003 when hard times had first hit me. I was totally exhausted, drained, and to make things worse, I had no idea what caused it at all. I could sleep only 40 minutes a day, that had lasted for two weeks.

That was how I decided to go to a psychiatry.

I visited more than 10 clinics, that were really helpless. They just said to me "Bear off, and keep taking medicines".

If you can believe it, they spent only 3 minutes to examine me and they thought that's enough. There were lots of patients lined in the waiting room, doing nothing but just wait. My worst experience was waiting for 3 hours to be examined that took 3 minutes as usual. On the way back to my home, I couldn't help but thinking what I am doing here. I had once taken more than 400 medicines a month.

Through experience from this kind of things, I found myself that medicines never solve the problem. And attitude to the mental illness of this country is definitely wrong. Some doctors who I contacted seemed to be indifferent besides giving prescription drugs. Although there are many clinical psychotherapists in Japan, some doctors don't think of their need.

Sure, you're able to sleep by taking a sleeping medicine. But the point is not how to sleep; how to make the atmosphere which you can sleep without any concern.

I was told by the current doctor that my illness will never be cured. Instead, he told that it could be remission at some point in the future. Remission!No doubt that it's mere a comfort word to me. It's pointless to keep taking medicines forever if that won't cure the illness, after all? Much better than ending up with hanging, still it's like a prisoner for medicine, isn't it?

Then, what should I do? Stop taking them?
No, it's out of the question to stop it since sidelines including my family worry me. Only thing I can do is just taking them without thinking. This is not to say medicines are worthless. Some of them are useful. Personally I just don't like it.

There's no certain solution to me for now. I'm trying, struggle to solve this long lasting problem.

One thing I found out through a decade of suffering is quite simple; keep in touch with close friends, family, relatives and so on. Don't think you are alone. To be honest, people who are suffering from this illness tend to consider themselves isolated. So am I sometime. But you are not. Get through it together.
This is my opinion.

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I'm sorry for some heat up. I wasn't supposed to do so. Those who got offended by this post, just ignore, forget it, and leave this blog.

Well, it's time for sleep. Hope to fall asleep without any medicine tonight ;)