Thoughts during difficult days.

 Making things improved by myself. It's one of the most happiest things to me. Everytime I find a way to make thing better, regardless of the size of it, I feel comfortable, ease, and have a little smile on my face. Also, I like seeing something fertilize my life, like a laptop I bought lately. It was stunning, first time I touched, I thought 'It's absolutely completed computer, there's no progress anymore.'

 However, there seems no end. Even if it looks perfect, things go further and further. Recently I found myself that my way of taking photographs could be better than the present as well, only if I don't give up living.

  Here's always struggle in my mind, whether keep living with a whole bunch of bitterness, such as the illness which gets me seriously down over 200 days a year. Life is hard, and so is everyone. I don't want to be self-pity though, sometimes like the dead of night now, I can't help thinking it's time to be over.

 Suicide never solves problems. Every now and then I think it's only way to solve everything, but it's opposite, it definitely destroies everything. I want to see the future, the future which is way better than now, including me. So.... tonight, instead of my recent routine of endless overdose, just let me lay down on my bed. It's okay if I can't sleep at all. Hopefully, looking at sunrise makes a little smile on my face.

24th July 2013, late evening